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the dirt that once festered below these fingernails isn't there anymore and i'm not sure how that happened. the cobwebs i used to be so delighted to tangle myself in are coming undone and there's this light that is warmer now, but the shipwreck behind my eyes still never sailed. i still complicate things far worse than they need to be and i still make it seem like i've got things in order, like i'm not even paying attention to it, like the elephant isn't breaking the china but rather it's just reshaping the form. oh, i'll persuade you. you'll fall under my spell with dizzy eyes and exhausted fists from a fight lost long ago, and when you fall limp i'll grab you just in time to laugh into your ear as though i knew all along it would be this way. i didn't.