i hate when i am physically unable to think about things other than work. i can usually daydream my way out of noise but lately the sound of a wheatgrass blade dropping will cause migraines and an overdue idle time period still seems unrealistic. my body will still shock itself into an alert drive at five in the morning, just in case i dreamt through the alarm. there is no need to set the alarm tonight, and that almost makes me nervous. i feel like i am forgetting everything and there is no time to relax. what am i going to organize when i get back, how am i going to improve such and such, how can i get creative with this, what will the kids be like when i am gone. like as if i leave for a day i've abandoned my young and left them out to dry as boxcar children or latchkey kids. i really want a beer.
all the boys have lost their charm. like all of the sudden, one by one they became real people again and there are no dreamboats left sailing. i miss being impressed solely by flirty smiles and six-word conversations. after that everything quickly becomes stale. i don't care if that makes me unrealistic and incapable of getting close to people, i don't mind staying safe with little things.
tomorrow i am going to experiment with converting frozen food items into fancy homemade dishes and i'll talk to people because i want to, not just because i'm on the clock. sweater weather makes everything better.
1 comment:
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